Hello from Barbie's Blender

It's been a few months, but I'm excited to yap again

When DJT took office five months ago, I completely fucking spiraled. It was a really dark space to be in.

In January, I wanted to use this platform to read through the executive orders that were piling on. I wanted to continue separating the mythology from the truth in pop culture. The reality is that I was deeply afraid of what I had already shared here and was concerned that it was too much, even with a small audience.

Even now, I’m feeling my heart start to race a little as I choose my words.

But I don’t want to live in fear.

I do want to be here, I do want to share.

I’m also really excited about the new path that the last few months have put me on.

When the fear was taking over, I started locking down my accounts, and felt like silence was the only way to protect myself.

If there’s a list somewhere, it’s already got my name from the years of sharing freely across Twitter, Meta, TikTok, and now here. I no longer believe free speech is a right that will be protected for my entire lifetime. The American Dream has always been a Fairytale designed to provide false security.

At the same time I was navigating the suffocating fear I was experiencing, I had an experience that reshaped how I view spirituality and the world we live in. After that, I struggled to sort out how to say I’m “Free from Fairytales” while it felt like I was actively subscribing to a new one. I started this space as an atheist who didn’t believe in magic and no longer define myself in that way.

I was also feeling the weight of a mysterious physical illness that had been worsening over the last few years. The brain fog was getting worse. I was spiraling into panic attacks and then spending the next day physically vomiting after the emotional release. Some mornings, I would just wake up unable to function, unable to move, like a weight was sitting on my chest, and everything around me was covered in a thick fog. I had a seizure and was starting to pass out more frequently, which is really scary when you live alone and don’t have health insurance.

I needed all my mental and physical energy, even yapping on Substack was too much, especially when it felt dangerous to do so. It also felt stupid to talk about pop culture while bigger headlines deserve more energy and attention.

I spent February feeling so beat and desperate for something that would make life worth living. I kept looking for solutions and even picked up a few crystals as I was shifting my view of the importance of frequency in our world.

The day I got moldavite, a crystal from a meteorite that is known for removing blocks standing in your way, I finally had my breakthrough moment and realized it was my Copper IUD making me so sick. I traced my symptoms getting progressively worse over the last 7 years and everything I had been experiencing mentally and physically suddenly made sense.

My itty bitty piece of moldavite shaped like my home state. While meditating with it for the first time I passed out and woke up knowing I needed to remove my IUD. I know how that sounds, I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it.

I had my IUD removed the following week and it was like the fire alarm going off in the back of my mind was finally quiet. I still get teary-eyed when I think about how different my brain feels now vs then.

I was able to keep my IUD after it was removed and learned it was literally flaking off inside of me. I can’t even touch the copper parts without it continuing to disintegrate.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t been an immediate relief. Now I’m healing my liver, estrogen dominance, histamine issues, and other things that may have already been an issue for me without the copper inflammation, but are definitely real issues after 7 years of toxicity.

But on the bright side, the supplements I kept trying for years are finally working. I was also able to stop smoking cannabis to manage the inflammation that I didn’t realize I was experiencing. I feel my focus coming back in ways I didn’t know it ever would, without something like Vyvance, Prozac, or whatever a doctor would have prescribed, only looking at the symptoms instead of the underlying cause.

I still probably have another 4-9 months of healing before I know what my true baseline will be moving forward, but I’m truly more optimistic than I have been in years.

With that optimism, I’ve also started a new career path.

One that I think I’ve been working towards for the last 18 months, but with the removal of my IUD, I finally had the focus to pay attention and act on the signs.

While I was away from Substack, I completed my first of lifelong trainings to become a Deathworker and Transition Guide.

I’ve experienced so many metaphorical deaths throughout my life as I got divorced, lost my job, and eventually had the most impactful physical death of my life so far when I lost my dog Jasper last year.

In some ways, that’s been my draw to mythology, spirituality, learning what happens when we die, and why humans gravitate towards archetypes to make sense of their living experiences throughout history.

Navigating his death and my grief is how I’ve changed my view of spirituality, learning what resonates with me outside of the oppressive religions I was forced to sing along with growing up.

I’m excited to help others free themselves from fairy tales and either find new ones that resonate or be their companion as they write a new one.

I still plan to lean heavily into pop culture analysis on here, but I will be making some changes that will eventually best align with this new chapter. Or maybe I’ll make a separate Substack for Clover Crossroads, the brand I’ve been working on. I don’t know yet.

I still think we’re headed towards a movement in pop-culture that will be a defining period of our lifetime and I don’t want to sit back and just watch the conversations happen.

All this to say, I think I’m back. Thank you for still being here while I’ve been navigating fear and healing.

I just published my first post after discovering Barbie in a Blender Day is coming next month. I hope you’ll find a way to celebrate with me.